Dark Day

Today is a very bad day. This pain is threatening to take me to levels of complete insanity. Nothing brings relief, it's just never ending and to date, the most pain I have ever felt.

I am trying so hard to keep the darkness from taking over, it's not easy. I am trying to stay positive and fight! This Battle with Trigeminal Neuralgia is turning into a War. It seems to be something that I cannot win.

Jolts of excruciating, incapacitating pain overwhelm me every few minutes. There is a constant burning pain and my neck is in complete spasm. I have only had this since last July, and the prospect of months and years of this Hell is not acceptable.

I am not only in pain, I am in a state of anger! These medications that we with TN are prescribed, often don't work. (Mine certainly aren't) Getting to see a Neurologist is another problem, getting the proper scans and diagnosis is also a battle. I am lucky to have seen a Neurologist, and I may have to invade the A and E Department of the hospital if this pain doesn't relent. I know the pain won't go, but a little reprieve would be an amazing relief.

If I am being honest, I am really getting scared. The way the pain levels are increasing is both hard to handle and freaking me out. Anyone with chronic pain knows what I mean.

The hardest part? It's putting a smile on my face and trying to show the world that everything is ok. Twitching when an attack hits, often makes people stare. It's not their fault. Unless this pain is experienced it's impossible to understand or empathise with.

I hope that I can get through this new level of pain.