Tuesday, 10 June 2014

Remaining Sane Through The Pain

I have been out of hospital a few days now, and it is seriously awesome to be home. It is just so hard to deal with the pain. Sleep is evading me. I cannot get any rest. Every little task is a struggle. For example, I decided to dust and hoover my bedroom. (No idea how it got so dusty, it was vacant for two weeks). Anyway, after I cleaned a little, I was so exhausted and in so much pain that I had to go lie down. I could barely see, my left arm was completely numb and the pain was excruciating.

My doctors always ask me to rate my pain from 0 to 10. 0 being pain free, and 10 being the worst pain ever. At the moment, my pain level is a 9. Yep, a 9. It is really unfair, and I am struggling to cope.

I was asked a simple question today, and it has been on my mind. Someone I know asked me how was I not driven mad by this pain. I just answered by saying that I didn't know. How am I retaining my sanity though? How are all the Trigeminal Neuralgia sufferers coping with this monster? It would be really interesting to hear other warriors' tales of woe.

I have been ordered to get a lot of rest, my doctors wanted me on complete bed rest, but that isn't possible. Things need to be done, and I go nuts if I sit still for long. I am really independent, and the fact that I can't drive until my vision returns is pissing me off.

Why is this happening to me?

I have filled in my prescriptions and even though my meds have been increased, I am still waiting for my pain to lessen. Remaining upbeat and positive is almost as hard as dealing with the pain. All I want to do is curl up and sleep until the pain goes away.

That would be surrendering though, and I am far to stubborn for that.

My plan for the next few days is to do nothing. Watch a bit of TV, try and read a little and generally keep my mind busy. This will last until the end of the week if I am lucky and I will want to bash my head against a wall. (I have actually considered this during a level 10 attack.) I used to devour books, I could read a 500 page book in less than two hours, now with my wonky vision, I can maybe read 50 pages a day, and that bugs me. Another thing Trigeminal Neuralgia has stolen from me.

What else will TN take from me?

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